


Closing the Distance

by soft_bucky



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Chaptered, Depression, Eating Disorder, Harry Styles - Freeform, Here is a story where Louis actually isn't dating Harry, I hope this gets as good a response as not part of the plan, I was excited to post this, Liam Payne - Freeform, Louis Tomlinson - Freeform, M/M, Narry - Freeform, Niall Horan - Freeform, Self Harm, Some bullying, This is darker than most of the stuff I've written, Zayn Malik - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-06-16
Packaged: 2017-12-13 13:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 15,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/824874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_bucky/pseuds/soft_bucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall Horan is a high school junior who isn’t very confident with himself. He’s quite shy actually. His mum gets a job transfer and they move to London, England. He has to try and make friends; something he didn’t have much of in Mullingar. But what about a certain curly haired lad who he can’t seem to stay away from? Is he his friend or more?</p><p>Note: I hate ending my summaries in questions, but I didn't feel like re-writing it. *shrug*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Possible trigger. If this triggers you then _do not read._ And I wrote this in December through January before my writing style has improved so excuse this if it's a load of shit.

Niall’s P.O.V.

I was sitting in my seat on this stupid airplane to my new life in London. I don’t know why my mum had to get a job transfer; why couldn’t she stay in Mullingar? I shouldn’t be too upset considering I had literally two friends, but I can’t help it. I’d rather be miserable in a place I knew instead of some foreign place I had never been to; nor wanted to. I pulled up the hood of my jumper and leaned my head against the window, hoping to catch some shut eye. Mum squeezed my hand once before I had drifted off into sleep.

~o~

“We’re here.” Mum said quietly, gently shaking my arm. I opened my eyes and saw the dreary land that they call England. I stand up and stretch my legs and walk into the aisle to get my carry on bag and stepped off the plane right behind my mum. We grabbed our things and quickly left the airport. She knew how I can get when I’m in crowds, so that’s why. Our car was taken here by boat; so we walked to it and loaded our suitcases in the boot and slammed it shut. I sat in the passenger’s seat and she got in the driver’s one. The car was started up and we started the drive to our new home.

~o~ 

The house was nice. It wasn’t too big or small, which was perfect; considering there would only be two people living here. I take my things up to my furnished room and close the door. Mum had the things shipped here and she came once to put it together. I flop on my bed and look at the celling with my hands locked together behind my head. After an hour and a half, mum came and knocked. “Come in.” I shout.

She peaks her head in and says “Dinner’s ready.” I shake my head. “I’m not hungry.” I say as an excuse. “Come on, I haven’t seen you eat at least since yesterday.” She says. I sigh and mutter fine. She smiles and leaves the door open for me to follow her downstairs. I go and eat at the table with her. In the middle of dinner, we get a knock at the door. “I’ll get it.” I say to her, leaving the table.

I open the door and see a boy with flip flops, cuffed jeans and a loose t-shirt on. He had blue eyes and brown hair that hung a little in his face. “Hi, I’m Louis.” He smiled. I don’t say anything. “So uh, I saw you just moved in and my mum wanted to bring over a muffin basket.” He offers holding it out. I take it and mumble a quiet thanks. “Are you going to James Wood High?” He asked me. I nodded. “I’m a junior.” I say to him. “Oh cool. I might see you. Well bye.” He says awkwardly before walking away into a house two doors down to the right. I close the door and bring the basket to the kitchen. “That was nice of them.” She says admiring the gesture. I nod and go back to my food.

When I finished my dinner, I go back up to my room. I wait an hour until I’m sure my mum is asleep to go to the bathroom and throw up the contents of my stomach. I flush and brush my teeth and look in the mirror at my face with my hands on the counter supporting me. I could point out at least 10 flaws about my face alone. I sighed and left the room and turned out the light. I crept down the hall and back to my room. When the lights were turned off and the covers pulled over my body, I took small breaths and closed my eyes until I fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Niall’s P.O.V.

 

I hit my alarm clock with my hand until it stopped beeping. We moved here on Saturday; and now since it’s Monday, I start school. I don’t know why I’m starting this early, but whatever. I roll myself out of bed and go to my closet and pulled out a grey graphic t-shirt, a pair of dark blue-green jeans, and a white pair of supras. I took a five minute shower and dried off, avoiding rubbing my cuts. I slid on the clothes, put a few bracelets on my wrists and went downstairs. I grabbed my backpack and said a quick bye to my mum before closing the door.

 

I put the two ear buds in my ears and listened to music on my walk to school. I was absolutely dreading today. At least I knew what to expect back home. Here I had no clue who anyone was, where my classes or rooms were, or how things worked here in general. I reached the front steps and pulled my headphones out. I wrapped them around my I-pod and stuck it in the front pocket of my backpack.

 

I walked into the front office. “Hi, I’m new here.” I say to the receptionist at the front desk. She looks up with a smile. “And your name?” She asks expectantly. “Oh uh, Niall Horan.” I tell her. She looks in some files and pulls out a crisp white sheet of paper and hands it to me. “Here’s your schedule for the year. Have a good day.” She says still smiling. I walk out of the door with my head facing the paper, looking at my classes. I feel a sudden pressure on my chest and I look up.

 

“Oh sorry.” He says apologizing. Then I see a look of recognition in his eyes. “Oh hey. You look a little lost.” Louis says smiling at me. “Uh kinda. I don’t know where my classes are.” I say quietly. He takes the schedule out of my hand and glances it over. “Okay well out of your seven classes; I have four, so I can help you get to those and my friend Harry is in two of the others; so he’ll help you.” He says handing it back to me. “Thanks.” I smile for the first time in the day.

 

We walk to the first class of the day, history. Ugh. The only thing I hate more than history is math. “You’re quiet.” Louis says chuckling. I’m 90% sure he wasn’t laughing at me. “Yeah. But sometimes I’m not.” I answer back at a louder volume. “Cool cause I want you to sit with my friends and me. You have the same lunch.” He says invitingly. I think about it and he can tell. “Pretty please.” He says pulling out the puppy dog face and making his eyes water and crossing his hands. “Don’t do that. Fine.” I say laughing for the first time in a while. He smiles brightly.

 

I came a month into the school year, so they already have predetermined seats. I sit in the far back corner un-noticed and listen to the lesson. Good thing this teacher didn’t do any of those pull the new kid to the front of the class and embarrass them things. Finally the bell rang. I quickly gathered my things and walked out of the room. Louis rushed up to me.

 

“Wait up new kid.” He exclaimed. “Now we go to Spanish. Then you go to math with Harry. I’ll direct you to the room after class.” He says with his seemingly endless smile. I nod and take my seat next to him. The desk was unoccupied before me, which was why he invited me to sit next to him. He narrowed his eyes. “I never caught your name.” He says with a slight frown. “It’s Niall.” I tell him. He nods and smiles and turns his attention to the teacher at the front of the class.

 

~o~

 

“Okay. The math you’re in is down there; room 108. Harry’s the guy with curly hair and green eyes. Go forth.” Louis says giving me a friendly shove towards the direction I was supposed to go. I hesitantly walked in the room and sat in a seat in the back of the room against the wall. I like to go un-noticed most of the time. The curly haired boy took a seat next to me.

 

“Finally someone likes sitting back here too.” He chuckled. “I’m Harry. And you are?” He asks. I couldn’t help but stare at his beautiful green eyes. “Oh uh, Niall.” I say with a small smile. “Louis told me about you.” I tell him. His lips pull up into a smirk. “And what did he say?” Harry asks me, looking at my eyes. “Just you have this and one other class with me. As you can tell; I’m new, so I have no clue where I’m going today.” I joke. He smiles. “I’ll help.” He says genuinely. The teacher stands in front of the board and claps her hands, signaling we need to get our attention on her. She says some things and all I could think about was how cute Harry was.

 

Harry’s P.O.V.

 

That Niall kid is really good looking; at least in my eyes he is. He’s a little skinny, but nothing that can’t be fixed. His accent and eyes are what gets me the most.

 

Niall’s P.O.V.

 

The teacher starts passing out a worksheet. It’s single person work. When mine was set on my desk, I wrote my name and the date on it and set my pencil down. I read through the problems, trying to see what they were about; but it looked like a foreign language. I was never good in this subject, but I managed to pull through with a C average; which was passing. I sat there for a couple minutes, trying before I gave up and laid my head on the desk in my arms.

 

Harry’s P.O.V.

 

It looks like he’s struggling. I hope he’s not stupid because I can’t like someone who isn’t smart. Not that I have anything against people who aren’t bright; it’s just something I rule out when dating. Wait, who said anything about liking anyone. I’m getting ahead of myself.

 

Niall’s P.O.V.

 

After like two minutes, Harry taps me on the arm with his pencil eraser. “You need help?” He asks me. I bite my lip but nod anyways. He pulls out a piece of paper from his backpack and scribbles some things onto it for about 10 minutes. When he’s done, he sets it on my desk. “It explains the stuff.” He clarifies. “Thanks.” I tear my gaze away from him and look at the paper he passed me. It was back to back of explaining each problem. I read it over once and with its help, I handed in my completed worksheet after 25 minutes.

 

I sat back in my seat and gave Harry a smile, which he returned. “Can you wake me up when there’s like three minutes before the bell?” I ask him quietly. He nods. I put my head in my arms and drift off to sleep.

\--

Harry woke me up three minutes before the bell rang. “So what other class do I have the pleasure of being in with you?” Harry asks. I blush and say “Science.” He nods and the bell rings. He says bye and I go to my next class which was with Louis. The only one without him or anyone he knows in it is English.

 

~o~

 

Technology was finally over and now I was joining Louis at lunch. I picked that class because eventually it will get fun. I heard that you get to build a basic robot later on. I sat at the table that he said they sit at and waited for him to finish buying his lunch. He came over and sat in front of me. “You don’t have lunch?” He asked. I shake my head. “Here, have some of mine.” He offers half of his sandwich. “It’s fine.” I say offering a smile. He looks as if he’s unsure, but just shrugs. “Oh here they are!” He says excitedly.

 

A group of three boys come and sit at the table. I see Harry and two others I don’t know. “Okay, this is Zayn.” Louis says poking the tan skinned, black haired boy in the shoulder. Zayn slapped his hand away with a playful smile. “And this is Liam.” He points at the boy with a shaved head and brown eyes. “Stop pointing, it isn’t polite.” Liam says jokingly. “You know what else isn’t nice?” Louis asks rhetorically before belching. “That.” He smirks. I burst out laughing.

 

“Anyways, you know Harry and me.” He finishes. “How do you know each other?” Harry asks curiously. “We’re neighbors. You know my mum; she sent me over with a muffin basket.” Louis says laughing. The others get it; I just sit there. “So where you from, uh…” Zayn trails off. “Niall. And I came from Mullingar, Ireland.” I tell him. They all nod. “Why?” Liam asks in return. “Mum got a job transfer.” I simply say. “Ohhhh.” They all say.

 

~o~

 

School was not that bad. Better that the days I had in Ireland. I was sitting on the couch with mum watching t.v. when a knock sounded at the door. She got up before me to get the door and talked to the person for a minute or so. She closed and locked the door when she was done and came back to where she was. “A nice boy named Louis came to the door. He said his mother would like to invite us over for dinner since she saw we were new to the neighborhood.” She says smiling. Oh great.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be updating this quickly cause I want to get it over with! Check out my new larry story by the way!

Niall’s P.O.V.

Louis’ mum is so nice; I just wish she didn’t invite us to dinner. Mum told me to put on some real clothes; I changed into an old shirt and sweats when I got home. I put on what I wore to school and came downstairs to meet her at the door. She locked the door and we walked to the house two doors down on the right. Mum was the one who knocked and the woman who I’m guessing was his mum opened it.

“Hello! Come in! Dinner is just being finished.” She says happily and hostess like.

We walk in and take a seat at the table where the rest of the family is sitting.

“Hi Niall.” Louis says happily across the table from me.

“Hi.” I nervously smile back. The girls who I’m guessing are his sisters are looking curiously at me. I furrow my eye brows. I was a little confused as to why.

“Oh, these are my sisters. Lottie, Georgia, Fizzy, Phoebe and Daisy.” Louis says introducing them.

“And that’s my step-dad; but my parents split up when I was little and I like him, so dad I guess.” He says quietly so only I could hear. I nod. His sisters smile and say hi. I do the same to them. Mrs. Tomlinson brings in the food and we start eating.

~o~ 

Dinner went well. Our mums our getting along really well; I think they might be friends now. “Thanks again for inviting us to dinner.” My mum says to Louis’.

“No problem.” She smiles. We leave and walk the short distance back to our house.

“You’re friends with the boy, Louis?” My mum asks me when we are inside the house.

“Yeah.” I simply answer. She nods and doesn’t answer. I go upstairs and wait ten minutes to see if she’s coming up and she doesn’t. 

I quietly get out of my room and tiptoe to the bathroom and shut and lock the door. I figure there’s enough distance between us for her not to hear the noise. Kneeling over the toilet on my knees, I purge what I had just eaten at dinner.

The carbs sat heavy in my stomach and I couldn’t digest all of that. Each time I swallowed I felt a little more disgusted with myself. Once I flush, I sit on the floor with my back against the tub and close my eyes. I was a little dizzy and just needed to regain my normal. I know it’s because I barely eat or throw up what I do when it’s a lot; but I can’t stop. I was made fun of before for my body before; which I didn’t understand because I was never chubby or fat, but I was not going to be made fun of again. 

After five minutes, I get up and walk downstairs and into the kitchen. I know I need to put something in me and I was starving, so I ate some baby carrots, half a turkey sandwich and two glasses of water. It was only almost seven thirty, but I was so exhausted. I told my mum goodnight and climbed up the stairs and into my warm comfy bed. I curled up into a ball and buried my face in my cool, soft pillow. After I calm my thoughts, I fall into a dreamless, comfortable sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Niall’s P.O.V.

 

I wake up the usual way; me abusing my alarm clock and pulling myself out of bed. Now that my most recent cuts were healing, my arm was itching like mad. To keep myself from scratching too much, I decided to wear a jumper over a plain tee shirt today. I looked at myself in the mirror before I left and remembered why I do what I do. I sighed and grabbed my backpack and a banana and left the house. Mum leaves earlier than me for work, so I was alone when I left.

 

I was walking on the far right side of the sidewalk with my headphones in when I noticed a black 2007 Honda civic si pull over and drive at my pace. I couldn’t tell who was driving it from where I was. They rolled down the window and I could now see it was Louis. “You need a ride?” He calls out. I yank out my headphones and pause my music. “You sure?” I ask him. “Yeah, get in.” So I walk over and sit in the passenger’s seat. Once the car is in motion, I drop my backpack onto the floor. “Thanks.” I say. “Sure. You want me to drive you in the mornings?” He offers nicely. “Sure, why not?” I smile. He quickly grins at me and turns his head back to the road.

 

“You look a little older than a junior.” I say out of nowhere. It was just something that was nicking the back of my mind once I noticed. He pulls in his bottom lip so it’s no longer showing and waits until he reaches a stop light to talk. “Um, well, when I was in fifth grade; the administrators thought I wasn’t quite emotionally ready to go onto junior high or something, so they kept me back. I was like really hyper and didn’t do much of my work and they found out I have ADHD. I mean that still kinda stays with me as you can tell at times; but it’s a lot less than what it was.” He explains. “No worries.” I smile at him. “And I was almost held back when I was in third grade. I didn’t really interact much and the teachers thought there was something wrong with me. I found out that they were gonna keep me another year, so I pretended to be one of the most outgoing kids ever. I even pretended to have a big group of friends when I actually had like three.” I laugh at the thought. He smiles and says “Thanks Niall.” “No problem.” I return.

 

“So how old are you?” He looked like he actually had to think about it. “I’m turning 18 in December.” He says. “Awesome. You better be getting us some alcohol then.” I say playfully. He laughs. “I’ll be sure to.” He pulls up in the front parking lot of the school and takes the key out of the ignition and gets out of the car. He opens the back door on his side and pulls out his backpack. I follow suit and go inside the school. “So we have these same classes every day?” I ask him as we walk down the hall. “Yeah.” He answers. “I have to do something. I’ll be in class before the bell rings.” I tell him. He nods and goes ahead. I go into the boy’s bathroom and throw away the banana peel I forgot I had.

 

I walk out and begin walking down the halls when I bump into someone. “Watch where you’re going.” The guy grumbles. “Sorry. I’m new.” I explain. “Yeah. You sound and look weird so obviously you’re new. Don’t do it again.” He warns. I continue walking; making sure that I don’t bump into anyone again. I can feel my eyes watering. I can’t help it; any kind of insult gets to me. I’ve been bullied ever since the beginning of junior high, so it’s not an easy behavior you can drop. I make it to history just in time and slide into my seat in the back.

 

When class is over, I head to Spanish with Louis. He looks over at me from his desk. “Hey, what’s wrong? You’re even less talkative than usual.” He says smiling. I shake my head; not even bothering answering. Ever since that little encounter with the random guy, what little of my good mood was gone. He frowns and can tell something’s up, and almost asks again but turns back in his seat and faces the board.

 

~o~

 

I’m sitting in math with Harry not even bothering listening to the teacher talk. Usually I would at least try; but I wasn’t up for it. “You know this stuff will help you in here, right?” Harry whispers. I turn my head towards him. It was resting on my desk. “I’m not in the mood today.” I simply say before turning away. I close my eyes. “Three minutes.” I tell him and I’m pretty sure he understands.

 

~o~

 

When the school day was over, I let myself in the house. Because of mum’s new job, she won’t be home until five. It was only four o’ clock now. I go up the stairs to my room and take off my jumper and pull out a sweatshirt and sweat pants. I take off my shirt and pants and sit on the bed. Reaching into my nightstand, I pull out my razor which was wrapped in a piece of paper in case someone ever has to look in here. I slide it across my right thigh a good five times before standing up and grabbing a wad of toilet paper. I apply pressure to stop the bleeding and after seven minutes, it stops enough for me to spread on antibiotic ointment and stick a Band-Aid on it. I put on the clothes I had pulled out and head downstairs and lounge on the couch and wait for mum to get home.


	5. Chapter 5

Niall’s P.O.V.

I get a ride to school from Louis like usual. “Better today?” He asks me.

“I guess.” I say.

“You’re so confusing Niall.” Louis chuckles.

“Awesome. That means I’m not easy to figure out.” I smile.

“Hey, it’s Friday.” Louis says.

“Yeah…” I say.

“So you’ve been here for a week. We need to have a sleepover to welcome you to the group.” Louis says with a wide smile.

“Tonight?” I question. He nods.

“We’ll go to Liam’s place at seven. It’s only him and his mum there; so we’ll be good.” Louis tells me. I nod. I was actually excited.

~o~

Louis told the guys what we were doing tonight at Liam’s place and they were cool with it. So I was in Louis’ car on the way to Liam’s. When we pulled up, I could see that his place was two floors and had a black fence gate thing around it. Louis’ house was three floors and mine was two. Louis had eight people in his house; so it made sense. We got out and Louis banged on Liam’s door.

“Calm down! I’m coming!” Liam shouted from somewhere in the house. He opened the door. “

I should’ve known it was you. Hi Niall.” Liam says. I say hi and Louis smirks. We walked into the living room.

“The others’ll be here soon.” Liam says. He puts his feet up on the coffee table and turns on the t.v. After twenty minutes, Harry shows up and sits next to me and after thirty minutes, Zayn showed up.

“So the gang’s all here.” Louis says placing his hands behind his head.

“Now to initiate Niall.” He continues. “You have to do a dare.” He says with a menacing smile.

I was scared of thinking about what he was going to do.

“I say, that you need to go to Liam’s old lady neighbor and kiss her on the lips for ten seconds. Or until she pushes you away.” Louis says. Liam’s face turns to confusion and Harry and Zayn’s turn to disgust. I sigh and stand up. And they follow me out of the house.

“She’s right there.” Louis points to the house across the street. I go over and knock on the door with them watching and wait. When she opens it, I push my lips to hers for ten seconds. I try to pull away, but she keeps me there for another five seconds. She smiles at me and closes the door. I turn around and start to head back with a terrible expression on my face. I wipe my mouth off and go into the kitchen.

After downing a glass of water, I talk again. “That was gross.” I say. They all laugh at the fact that she pretty much wanted to make out with me and my reaction. It was gross for two reasons. One she was old; and two, she was a lady. Yeah, I’m gay; another major flaw of mine that I wish I could change.

“Now onto the fun stuff.” Zayn says. 

~o~

We ordered a pizza and talked and played games on Liam’s play station 3 and watched t.v. and a bunch of other stuff before we settled into our sleeping bags and went to sleep. When I was sure everyone else was asleep, I tiptoed to the bathroom and shut the door. Just as my finger is coaxing at the back of my throat the way that came as second nature to me now, I see Harry in the doorway. I throw up and lean my back against the tub. I was panicking the entire time that he was in the doorway to see the debacale.

“Don’t tell. Please don’t tell.” I plead, tears falling down my face. I can’t believe he found out. Harry wets some toilet paper and sits next to me. He puts his arm around my shoulder and wipes off my mouth.

“I won’t, but you need to stop this.” Harry says gently.

“But I can’t.” I say still sobbing. Harry tosses the paper in the trash can.

“Why not?” Harry lets me lean into his body and he puts an arm around my shoulders.

“Because I have to do it.” I say quietly; the sobs turning down into soft cries.

“But you don’t. You’re perfect the way you are. And this isn’t healthy.” Harry says quietly. I don’t even bother responding because he's wrong. I'm not perfect the way I am and I don't know why he would lie to me like that.

 

Harry’s P.O.V.

 

Niall doesn’t respond. We sit like that with me calming him down for a while longer until he drifts off into a disturbed sleep. I carry him bridal style back to his sleeping bag and zip him in. Then I go back into mine and fall back asleep; not as peaceful as before. I was worried for him.

 

Niall’s P.O.V.

 

I woke up with the worst dream. I dreamt that Harry found me in the middle of throwing up. I tasted the acidity in my mouth and realized that it wasn’t a dream. I didn’t even get the chance to brush my teeth. I was so nervous as to what he would say. When I was fully awake, I climbed out of my sleeping bag and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and use it. I saw Harry on my way out. I tried to brush past him, but he grabbed my wrist.

“Nothing’s gonna change. I won’t tell anyone, but you need to stop.” Harry says. I nod and he lets go and closes the door to the bathroom once he’s inside.

I walk in the kitchen and sees Louis with a pill bottle in his hand and a glass of water.

“What’s that for?” I ask him.

He swallows and says “ADHD.” I nod in understanding.

“Have you ever not taken it?” I ask curiously.

“Yeah. Ask the guys how that went.” He says with a small smile.

When Harry gets out of the bathroom, I ask him “What happened when Louis didn’t take his medicine?”

Harry smiles at the memory. “Last time he was talking all the time, couldn’t sit still, was even more funny than usual, and just animated I guess. Like that night we were having a sleepover at Zayn’s house and Louis kept changing topics, thinking of random and usually bad ideas, getting bored really easily, wouldn’t listen for long and kept interrupting, and a bunch of other stuff. It was entertaining and annoying at the same time. When we woke up that morning, his mum came over and brought him his pills and he took them with a little of her telling him to. After like an hour, he calmed down. I suggest that you don’t want to be around when it happens. But it’s only like at least once a month when he forgets. He’s just a forgetful person.” Harry explains.

“Oh. And has he forgotten yet?” I ask him curiously.

"It’s been about a month, so it’ll happen soon. I can bet on it.” Harry rolls his eyes with a snort.

I smile and say okay. We pick up our things after breakfast and went back to our houses after our goodbyes. “How’d it go honey?” Mum asked me when I stepped in the house. “Fine.” I tell her. I drop my things on the floor of my room and head back down to spend some quality time with her.


	6. 6

Niall’s P.O.V.

 

When I woke up, I was in a normal mood. Normal for me was depressed with a hint of happiness still showing through despite everything. I got a ride to school with Louis like usual, except he was talking; like a lot.

“Hi Louis.” I say when I get into the car.

“You can call me Lou at times. That’s my nickname ya know. I’ve had it for forever. One of my old best mates started calling me that.” He says. I nod acting like I knew where he was going with things.

“But anyways, yesterday, I was watching a movie about a chick who smoked pot on netflix; which is awesone by the way, and she made pot brownies and had a roommate and they did some crazy shit when they were high. It was really entertaining. I really love brownies, they’re full of chocolaty goodness.” He was still driving well though. “Hey look, a black squirrel.” He uses his left index finger to point it out to me. “Once I saw a black squirrel and a white squirrel fighting. It was symbolic of something.” He says. "Y' know yin and yang. Or equality." 

“Did you forget to take your meds?” I ask cautiously.

“Eh, I guess now that I think about it. I was in a rush this morning. Mum didn’t notice and dad had already left. I was about to leave a few minutes late. I map out my time so I get to school at the perfect time. But nothing is perfect. Like that Hannah Montana song? I had to watch it at times with my sisters when I babysat them. ” He rambles. I remember what Harry said and just at the moment, he was talking a lot, fidgety, and switching topics all the time. Yeah, this is his ADHD showing up. The whole car ride went like this.

When he pulled to a stop, I was ready to get out and to school. He walked in step beside me and I just let him talk. We sat down in Spanish after History and Louis even talked during class when I was actually trying to pay attention. And he didn’t bother listening to the teacher or do the work that we were supposed to do. And he could _not_ stay in his seat. He would slide out of it so he was partially standing, lift his butt out of the chair and then sit back down, turn to the side, etc. When class was finally over, I was glad to get a little break before lunch. We didn’t sit next to each other in technology; he was across the aisle from me.

I took my usual seat in the back next to Harry.

“Hi Niall.” Harry says nicely. I smile at him.

“Hey. I’m gonna give you a heads up, Louis forgot his medicine this morning. And I still have one more class with him.” I inform him and joke. He snickers.

“I knew it was gonna happen soon.” He says exposing his white teeth in a smile.

“It is a little entertaining though. But I can’t get a word in.” I laugh. He laughs along with me.

“You in a better mood today?” He asks inquisitively. I nod. For some reason, around him and my new friends I’m more outgoing. The shyness still comes through at least half the time though.

“Do you have lunch?” Harry asks concerned. I smile.

“Yeah, half a sandwich and an apple.” I tell him. He beams at me approvingly.

“Good.” It wasn’t a lot of food, but it was something.


	7. Chapter 7

Niall’s P.O.V. 

I was in the car with Louis. “Sorry about yesterday. I was in a rush and I forgot. Mum noticed when I got home though.” Louis explains with a small smile at me.

“It’s fine. Harry told me it happens like once a month.” I say to him, waving it off. I get out of the car and begin my daily routine.

 ~o~

I was in my last class of the day; English. I was sitting in my seat which was in the middle; the ones in the back were taken when I felt something hit the back of my head. I looked down and it was a crumpled up ball of paper. I picked it up and opened it. It read “No one wants you here. You’re too different. Do us a favor and go back where you came from.” I just crumpled it up, walked to the trash can, and threw it away.

I sat down and a minute later, another one hit my head. Unable to resist, I read it. “Do you not get it? We don’t like you. You look ugly and sound ugly. Just go away.” I did the same thing as last time and threw it away and sat back down.

When I get home, I go up to my room and strip down to my boxers and take out my lounging clothes. Then I reach in my nightstand and pull out my razor. I figure I should get a new one soon because I’ve had this one for almost two months now. Just because I harm myself doesn’t mean I’m not careful. Anyways, I make three cuts on each of my wrists and put the razor away. I press on each one for three minutes each until the bleeding subsides. Then I put antibiotic ointment on it and stick a Band-Aid on them. 

I stand up and look in the mirror. I hated everything I saw. And the brown in my hair was starting to noticeably show up again. I pulled on the clothes I wore to school and walked to the little store I saw a couple blocks away. When I got there, I found all the hair products and picked out the bleach I need. I couldn’t afford to go to a salon once every month and a half to two months. I bought it and walked back home.

It was only three fifty five. I go upstairs to my room and quickly shrug off my clothes and grab a towel. When I’m in the bathroom, I set the box on the bathroom counter and set my towel on the toilet lid. I read over the directions and turn on the shower and step in. I put the bleach in and wait until it’s time to wash it out. When I do that and wash up, I step out and go back to my room with the towel wrapped around my waist.

I put on my lounging clothes and go downstairs where my mum is. “Hi ma.” I greet her with a hug.

“Hi. You smell like chemicals.” She notes. I smile and pull apart.

“I redid my hair.” I point at my head which was completely blonde now. She nods and smiles.

“I wish you didn’t bleach it though. You look so cute with brown hair.” Mum says.

“Mum stop.” I whine with a playful smile. She returns it.

“Fine. Is pasta okay for dinner?” She asks me.

I nod. We sit down to dinner and I actually eat a small bowl of it. And I didn’t throw it up. I’m so proud and a little disappointed, but Harry would be happy for me so I’m gonna remind myself of that and try to ignore the voice in my head saying get rid of it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. It's been a few days, hasn't it?

Niall’s P.O.V. 

I was staring out the window, subconsciously tugging on the sleeves of my jumper.

“Do you dye your hair?” Louis asks me. I turn my head towards him.

“Yeah, I bleach it.” I tell him.

“It’s naturally brown, right?” I nod. He just gives one in return and focuses on the road again. I turn my head back to the dreary London day outside. I still don’t like the place that much. I think I’m in a bad mood.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking but are you gay?” Louis asks me out of nowhere. I pull a face of bewilderment. How’d he know?

“Why?” I ask curiously playing it cool.

“I’m actually intuitive and it looks like you like Harry. If you are, that’s fine.” Louis says with a comforting smile.

I bite my lip and nod. I didn’t want anyone to find out. People at my old school found out and that was another thing added to the list of things I was made fun of for.

“I’m not judging and neither would anyone else at our table. And I won’t tell anyone or the guys unless you want me to.” Louis says.

“Yeah, don’t tell. Thanks.” I say mustering up a small smile. 

“Do you like Harry?” Louis asks smirking. I roll my eyes and mumble yeah. But Harry couldn’t possibly like me; I’m… me.

“Just letting you know, Harry swings both ways.” Louis informs me with the smirk still on his face.

I turn my head back to the window with a small smile on my face. That was a little hope in my favor.

~o~ 

After Louis trying to get me to tell the guys for the two classes I’ve had with him so far, I’m sitting in math with Harry.

“Hey Harry, Louis told me something and I want to see if it’s true.” I tell him. He focuses his attention on me.

“Yeah?”

“Do you like girls and guys?” I ask him.

He pulls his lips up into a lopsided smile. “Yeah. You don’t think that’s weird, do you?” He asks me.

“Not at all.” I smile at him. I wasn’t ready to let anyone else; even him know about my preferences, so I wasn’t letting him know the fact that I like guys and I happen to like him.

 ~o~

I had just closed the door to my locker and the hallways were empty when Harry came up to me.

“Oh hi Harry.” I greet him. He smiles.

“Hi Niall. I actually have a question for you.” He starts off. I make a small movement of my head forward encouraging him to get on with it.

“So do you like me?” He asks. I grin.

“Yeah. We’re friends.”

“No I mean like more than that?” He asked again.

Immediately I knew it was Louis. I panicked. I wasn’t ready for this. So I blurted out “No, sorry.” Then I bit my lip and started walking away, leaving a probably very confused Harry behind. 

Harry’s P.O.V. 

When Niall said no and walked away, I was left feeling very confused and sad at the same time. When he was completely gone, I started on my way home and took out my phone. I dialed Louis.

“Hello?” He asked into the receiver.

“You’re a cunt and I fucking hate you. I can’t believe you.” I say angrily over the phone not even bothering with a proper greeting.

“Why? What I do?”

“You said that Niall likes me and he said he didn’t and walked away is what. You’re just- I’m- ugh. I can’t even complete a full sentence to say how mad I am at you.” I tell him. I can picture him biting the inside lower right corner of his lip which he does when someone is fussing at him.

“I’m sorry Hazza. But he told me this morning. I cross my heart. But what can I do to make it up to you?” I think about it.

“Take me out to ice cream today. Or I'm never talking to you again.” I request. I can hear him chuckle through the phone.

“Alright. I’ll be at your place when you get here.” He says before hanging up.

~o~

Ice cream makes everything better. I had pretty much forgiven Louis. We’re on the way back to my house.

“Don’t tell Niall I told you; even though he probably figured that out as soon as it happened. He is going to be so mad at me. Shit. But uh this actually is supposed to be a secret; but since it involved you I had to tell you. And if you guys got together, it would be so cute.” Louis gushes. I thump the side of his head.

“Shut up.” I say jokingly. “And until he says anything or if he says anything then I’ll pretend that nothing happened. And he could have been lying too. But bye, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I say slamming the door shut and he pulls away with a quick wave of his hand.


	9. Chapter 9

Niall’s P.O.V.

I cut again yesterday for saying no to Harry when the answer was yes, for possibly hurting his feelings, and for trusting Louis. I was walking to school when Louis did what he did the first time and drove along at my pace.

“Niall, get in the car.” He calls out through the window.

“No.” I say back.

“I’m sorry. I only let Harry know. And I didn’t tell him that you were gay. I would never tell anyone else.” He pleads.

“Fuck you. I had problems trusting people but I trusted you and you betrayed it. So no.” I say angrily.

“Please.” He begs. I quickly look over and I saw him using the puppy dog face that he used the first day I bumped into him at school. I knew I would give in if I continued looking, so I looked away, turned my volume up on my music, and continued walking to school. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him drive at a normal pace again.

~o~

We were in Spanish now and I was ignoring him completely. I even moved to an unoccupied seat next to some guy who sleeps the class away. I saw he kept sending me glances from the corner of his eye, but I didn’t look his way. I was looking forward to and dreading math. Both for the same reason, Harry. The bell rang and I picked up my backpack and shoved my binder into it and left the classroom. Louis ran up to me.

“Niall, talk to me; please.” I was probably being cold towards him right now, but I have a reason. I just pretended he wasn’t there and soon reached my class. When I didn’t answer, he turned and started walking to his class.

I took my seat and soon Harry came in.

“Hi Niall.” Harry said with a smile, dropping his backpack on the floor.

“You’re not mad at me?” I asked surprised.

“No hello?” He laughed.

“But no. Louis’ a bit of a shit head sometimes. But he means well. Maybe he misheard you.” He shrugs.

“Yeah. I’m mad at him right now.” I tell him. I actually wanted to say

“He didn’t mishear me! I’m lying! I’m so stupid for doing that!” But I kept my mouth shut.

“Eh, you should forgive him. Like I said; he means well.” I shrug.

“He needs to make it up to me. I’m not an easy forgiver.” I tell him. He smiles and nods.

Harry’s P.O.V.

I’m taking note of that just in case I ever do something to piss Niall off.

Niall’s P.O.V.

Today we were moving onto triangles and I still don’t get much.

“Hey Harry?” I whispered.

“Yeah?”

“You’re good at math from what I’ve seen, right?” I ask him. He nods.

“Can you tutor me? I’m clueless in this subject.” He smiles.

“Sure, when?” He asks me in return. I think about it.

“Once or twice a week at my place? Starting today at four?” I offer.

“Sure.” Then we return to our work.

~o~

We were sitting on the couch at my house doing maths.

“So you have to find a midpoint on a segment and connect a vertex to the midpoint of that segment. Then you have an altitude. And you repeat that for the other two sides so that the altitudes meet in one place. Then that place is the orthocenter.” He explains about problem number six out of the twelve we have for homework. And he’s been here for twenty minutes. I sigh.

“I’m sleepy. Whenever math gets near me, I get tired.” I tell him. I let out a yawn at that moment.

“We can take a short break.” He lightly chuckles.

“Can I lay on you?” I ask him with a small smile.

He nods and returns the gesture. I turn around so my head was on his chest/shoulder and close my eyes for a few minutes.

Harry’s P.O.V.

Niall fell asleep on my shoulder after he put his head on me. He looked so much more, I don’t know; peaceful? After ten minutes, in his position, I noticed that his bracelets were rubbing and digging into his wrist. It looked uncomfortable, so I moved to take them off. When I adjusted the position of them, I noticed cuts along his wrist. I looked at the other one and there were some there too; and scars. I let him sleep for another fifteen minutes so we could finish the homework without him getting tired again. “Wake up.” I say nudging his arm.

After an incomprehensible mumble, he woke up.

“More math?” He sighed.

“Yeah, but first-” I was cut off by his house phone ringing.

“Hold on.” He says getting up. He goes into a room and closes the door for it to be private. After a couple minutes, he came out and hung up the phone.

"My mum said she’s gonna be late.” He explained and sat back down in his seat.

“Okay, I wanted to talk to you.” I tell him. He nods to say continue. “You cut yourself?” I straight up ask.

He looks surprised. “Wha- How’d you know?” He asks slowly.

“Your bracelets moved.” I say. He lowers his eyes to his hands which he was fiddling with. “You can talk to me you know.” I comfort.

“Fine, I do.” He says.

“Why?” I ask him. I felt like I had to know.

“Cause.” He’ll tell me if I ask again, so I do. And I was right. “Cause I’m worthless, ugly, stupid, not skinny enough, I’m the reason my brother died, and on top of that, I’m fucking gay. There, I said it. I was bullied every day at school since I was ten or eleven and I had two friends in all of high school. Someone said I didn’t look right with brown hair once and I started dying it. I was constantly called so many names for gay that I asked my girl friend to be my fake girlfriend. Every single time I look in the mirror, I hate what I see and what I’ve become.” He says not once meeting my eyes.

I pulled him into a tight hug; wrapping my arms around his small frame and pulling him into me.

“Here’s what I’ll say to that. You are worth so much to me and everyone else around you. You are one of the best looking guys I have seen in my life. I know you’re actually very smart. And you’re so skinny; I can feel your bones when I do this.” I run my fingers lightly along his abdomen. “And you’re gay, so what? I’m bi. Most people know that and they usually aren’t bad towards me. Blonde or brunette, I think you look cute.” I tell him.

I can see that he is crying now. “But you’re Harry. You have the eyes, the smile, dimples, and charm. People have no need to mess with you. And you still like girls though. I have the stupid accent and hair and my eyes aren’t even that nice looking. They’re supposed to be blue but they look more grey. I’m just a screwed up person.”

“Don’t cry, please. You need to listen to me, you are amazing. I happen to know that your accent and eyes are amazing. Don’t think badly about yourself. And how about this, you stop cutting and purging and I’ll stop biting my nails. They are ragged looking. I know it’s not much; but it’s something.” I offer.

“I’ll try. But I can’t promise that.” He mumbles.

I smile. “That’s fine. And can I ask how would you be the cause of his death?” I ask him.

He stills completely and goes stiff in my arms. “’M sorry. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.”

“No. I’ll- I’ll tell you.” He takes a shaky breath and starts relaying the story. “I was 11 and he was 13 and us and mum were on our first family camping trip. Mum said that she had to do something real quick and she would be right back and for us to not get into any trouble. She left in the car and Greg went into the river and took a swim with his clothes on. I said “Mum’s gonna be mad at you.” from across the bank smiling; I was happy. Greg just laughed and shouted “Come in with me!” I shook my head and watched him swim around. At one point, Greg swam under and I waited for him to come out, but he never did. The people who pulled him out said his leg/pants got caught on a big branch and he couldn’t get dislodged. I should have known or at least went in with him. Then things would probably be different and I could have a big brother. But it’s all my fault. I could have told mum she shouldn’t trust us alone in nature or to take us with her, but I just stood there helpless and clueless.” Niall recalls.

“I’m so sorry.” I say.

“Me too.”


	10. Chapter 10

Niall’s P.O.V.

Louis tried getting me to get in the car with him this morning and after my talk with Harry, I decided to get in. I was sitting in the passenger’s seat and stare straight ahead.

“I’m super sorry Niall. To show you how sorry I am; I got you a gift. I’m not entirely sure what you like, so I tried.” Louis apologizes and hands me a little gift bag. I look inside and pull the item out. It’s a cell phone.

“You didn’t have to get me a cell phone.” I say. He waves his right hand forwards.

“It was my old one. I just upgraded and this one is in perfect condition. It has all our numbers in it.” He says smiling. It was a silver razor. Irony much?

“I really didn’t mean to betray your trust. I really only told Harry. I thought it would do good. But for the sake of humanity and me, will you forgive me?” Louis begs. I smile.

“Fine. But if you do something like that again, I will ignore you for forever.” I say seriously.

“Understood. I believe you. Now you can help me in Spanish again; you’re much better than me at that.” Louis laughs.

~o~

I went through the day as I normally do. As part of our deal, I brought an apple with me for lunch. I was about to start walking home when I heard a crash a little ways down the road. The students weren’t allowed to leave the school yet; they were making sure no one left until they were given the okay. After twenty minutes, we could go home again. I walked home feeling a little bad for the person and their family.

When I got in the house, I changed and sat down on the couch, waiting for mum to come home. At five thirty, I started getting a little worried. But at five forty five, I got a knock at the door. I pulled it open and there was a man in a police uniform.

“Are you Niall Horan?” He asked officially. I skeptically nod.

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but your mum was in a car accident today.” He says. I freeze. I hope it wasn’t the one I happened to hear after school.

“Is she okay?” I ask nervously. I fear his answer.

“I’m sorry, but she didn’t make it. You have to come with me to the hospital.” He says with a look of sorrow on his features.

It feels like time stops even though it keeps moving forward. It feels like that news was delivered so long ago and I have been standing here for years; when in reality it was thirty seconds. It hits me; I have no one, my mother is dead.


	11. Chapter 11

Niall’s P.O.V.

I get in the police car with the man and stay silent. I wasn’t thinking or doing anything; I was just physically present. He pulls up to the hospital and turns the car off. I use instinct and open the door and get out. I follow behind him into a hallway that seems deep into the bowels of the hospital. Eventually he stops and since I wasn’t really paying attention, I bumped into his back. He turned around and looked at me.

“Sorry.” I mumble.

“S’alright.” He says with a small smile.

He pushes through the two heavy, silver metal doors into a little room with a window. The coroner was in there with a body with a sheet covering it. The officer nodded to the man and he began to pull it back. He pulled it down to the neck. From here, I could tell it was my mum. I could see bruises and cuts on her face.

“That’s my mum.” I say. My eyes began to water. He nods again and the coroner pulls it back up to cover her face once more.

“Okay. We need to figure out where you’re going to live. If you’ll come with me.” He walks back out and I follow him to the car.

We drive to this two story red brick building. I walk with him inside and we go to a little room with a desk, three chairs, a computer, some potted plants, and a lady sitting at the desk. What was left of the sunlight streamed in filtered from the probable layer of dust on the window. I could see the dust motes floating around the room. He leaves and closes the door behind him.

“Take a seat please.” The lady says typing some things on a computer. I sit on the squeaky plastic material. The woman looks up. She looks to be in her mid-thirties and she was wearing a navy blue shirt with white polka dots on it and I couldn’t see what was on the bottom. She was on the heavier side and had brown hair pulled into a ponytail and blue eyes. She was actually quite pretty.

“I don’t know what your case is, but this is a place that finds you a place to live or foster parents.” She explains with a small smile. I don’t return it. I was not in the mood.

“So your name?” I guess this is an interview thing.

“Niall.” She types it in.

“Date of birth?”

“September 13 , 1993.”

“Reason you’re here?”

“I don’t have a dad and my mum and brother are dead.” I tell her, bringing up the stinging teary feeling in my eyes again.

“Place of birth?”

“Mullingar, Ireland.”

“Do you have any living relatives in Ireland that you can live with?” I furrow my eyebrows a little in concentration.

“Not that I know of.”

“What about anyone else?”

“My mum never said anything. So I’m guessing no.” She finishes typing in all of the information.

“Well it looks like you’re going to have foster parents. Since you just turned-” She glances at the computer. “17, there’s no point in adoption. I can hand you some forms and phone numbers and-” I cut her off.

“No. I have a friend I can stay with. Thanks though.” I say getting up and leaving the room.

“Let me give you our card so you can call when your house is ready to be put on the market.” The lady says before I leave.

She stands up and hands me the little stiff piece of paper. I could now see that she was wearing a pair of red trousers and navy blue heels. I take it and stick it in my back pocket. The police officer was waiting in his car. I get back in the passenger’s seat.

“I’ll take you home.” He says while he’s pulling out.

“Thanks.”

~o~

I didn’t even bother going to school today. I was too ridden with sadness to even get out of bed. At four o’clock, I heard a knock on the door. I didn’t move to get it. The knocking stopped and my new cell phone started ringing. I rolled to my side and picked it up.

“Hello?” I asked to the unknown caller. My voice came out hoarse and cracked a little from all the crying I’ve done. I also cut again like five times on each wrist.

“Get the door. I’m outside.” Harry says and hangs up before I get the chance to reply. I pull myself out of bed and catch a glimpse in the mirror of the skinny, messy haired blonde boy with baggy clothes on and a splotchy face. I turn away in disgust and slowly climb down the stairs. 

I unlock the door and pull it open enough for Harry to get it himself because I walked over to the couch and sat down. I hear him close and lock it and he sits on the couch next to me.

“What’s up with you? And why didn’t you come to school today?” Harry asks me, taking note of my appearance.

“My mum’s dead Harry. I have no relatives and I’m gonna have to move out soon.” I say breaking into _another_ round of sobs. He wraps his arms around my shoulders and I lie into the curve of his body and pull my feet up on the couch.

He notices the bandages on both of my wrists too. I had to wrap these up because they were deeper than the usual ones I do.

“Tell me you didn’t.” He says quietly. I nod, too tired to speak.

“I was and am sad Harry. Worse than usual. I thought things in my life were stable and now another person close to me dies. I can’t take anything else.” I confess.

“You’re not suicidal, are you?” He asks worriedly.

I let out a bitter laugh. “I’m everything **but** suicidal. I sometimes wish I was though. Then I could end everything and not have to feel anything anymore.”

“Don’t wish things like that.” Harry says disappointedly.

“Why not? You know me. I’m anorexic and throw up most of what I do eat, I cut and I’m depressed and insecure. I’d be better off dead, but for some reason my subconscious doesn’t want to die.” I explain frowning and closing my eyes. All I want to do is sleep. Sleep forever. But I can’t have that so I have to settle for this.

I hear Harry say “You’re coming to live with me.” before I fall asleep again. That’s all I did since I got home last night; sleep, cut, and cry.


	12. Chapter 12

Niall’s P.O.V. 

I awoke to Harry messing with my hair. I yawned.

“You’re awake.” He says with a small smile. I nod.

“Well it’s like five thirty so what do you think about dinner?” Harry asks me, waiting for an answer.

“Wait you’ve been here with me on you for an hour and a half or so? Why didn’t you just slip out?” I ask shocked.

“Cause I like you silly. And I’m thinking Italian for dinner?” He smiles. I hesitantly nod and go up to my room to change clothes. I take a quick shower; and quick is like five minutes. And when I dry off and have underwear on, I pull on a black tee shirt, light grey skinnies, and my shoes. I didn’t do anything else with my appearance.

I meet Harry downstairs and we take his car to the restaurant he picked. Mum and I haven’t gone out to eat since we were here yet, so I didn’t know where the place was.

“You have a car?” I ask him.

“Yeah, but I choose to walk usually.” He explains. The rest of the brief car ride was filled with the occasional exchange of conversation. When we got there, we were seated in a booth towards the back of the restaurant. After looking at our menus for a little bit, a server came to us.

“Hi, I’m Mindy and I will be your server today. What would you like to drink?” She asks us, making flirty eyes at Harry and barely taking a glance at me.

“I’ll have a Budweiser.” Harry says.

“I’ll need I.D.” I knew that Harry wasn’t 18 yet so I didn’t know how this would work. He hands her the stiff white piece of plastic. She looks it over and hands it back to him.

“And for you?” She asks me.

“Water.” I simply say.

“Do you know what you both will be ordering today?”

“I’ll have the orchetta chicken thing.” Harry made a half-hearted attempt at ordering which I had to snicker at.

“The pancetta chicken?” The waitress asks.

“Yeah that.”

“I’ll have a Caesar salad, dressing on the side. And a glass of water.” I tell her. She writes it on a notepad and walks away to the kitchen.

“I can’t believe you have a fake I.D.” I laugh.

“I have to get alcohol sometimes in some way.” He smirks. Soon we get our food and start eating. “So about your situation,” Harry takes a pause to drink some of his beer. “You’re gonna come live with me and my mum.” He offers with a wide smile.

“I couldn’t. I don’t want to impose. I could just- just” I thought of something I could do instead.

“Exactly. You can’t do anything else. Liam has two bedrooms in his house; one for him and one for his mum, Zayn has sisters, and you already know about Louis’ family. My sister is in university, so you are gonna stay with us.” I sigh.

“Fine Harry.” I say not unhappy.

We finish dinner and he takes me back to my house.

“You can pack something for overnight until you go back to pack what you need.” Harry tells me as I’m stepping out of the car. I go inside and pack a change of clothes and a pair of shoes for tomorrow. I look around my room for anything else I truly need and pick up my phone, toothpaste and a toothbrush, and the clothes I was wearing when Harry first saw me today as my pair of pajamas.

I take the little bag and go back downstairs and into Harry’s car. He drives off into the direction of his house that I have never been to. He pulls up and I look at the exterior for a few moments. It was two floors like most of the homes I’ve seen and was made of grey brick stone. I follow him inside.

“Hi mum.” He says to the brown haired woman in the kitchen.

“Hi Harry. Why were you late?” She asks putting  containers of food in the fridge.

“I’ll tell you later.” He says. She stands up when she closes the fridge door.

“Oh hello.” She says with a smile. I smile back.

“You can go upstairs and change. I’ll be up soon.” Harry says. I nod and go to the bathroom; the door was open so that’s how I knew.

Harry’s P.O.V.

“So that’s my friend. His older brother died a few years ago and his mum died two days ago. He has no living relatives and doesn’t have anywhere to stay. So I said he could stay here.” I tell mum.

“That’s fine with me, but Gemma is actually coming for a visit real soon, so he’s gonna have to stay in your room.” She says with a small smile. I give her a hug.

“Thanks mum.” She kisses me on the cheek.

“Sure honey.” I pull my face into a mock expression of disgust even though I didn’t mind.

I went up the stairs to see Niall standing outside the bathroom door.

“Oh sorry, my room is over here.” I walk forwards to the end of the hallway. It was the last one on the right. I open the door and he follows me inside.

“My sister is coming to visit soon, so you have to stay in here if that’s okay.” I tell him. He nods and climbs into bed. “And do you care if I don’t wear pajamas to bed?” I ask him. I have to be polite first.

“Are you gonna be naked?” He asks confused.

“No, I’ll wear underwear.” I tell him.

“Okay.” He shrugs. I take off everything but my boxers and crawl in next to him. Our backs are facing each other.

“Night Harry.” Niall mumbles.

“Goodnight.”


	13. Chapter 13

Harry’s P.O.V.

My alarm went off for school and I hit it until it turned off. When I pried my eyes open; I could see that while he was asleep; Niall had rolled over, scooted closer to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. It was quite cute actually.

“Niall, wake up.” I say at a normal volume. He grumbles and opens his eyes. When he sees the position he got in overnight, he pulls away and I could see blush creep into his cheeks.

“Sorry.” He apologizes embarrassed.

“I don’t mind.” I say smiling lopsidedly.

“Yeah well we have school, so let’s get dressed.” He mumbles getting out of bed and picking up his little bag. When he goes to the bathroom, I pull on a pair of black skinnies and one of my favorite t-shirts which was a shade of green and my white converse. I leave my room and knock on the bathroom door.

“Wait.” Niall says from behind the door. He comes out in a red polo, chinos, and a white pair of supras.

“All yours.” He says turning to the side and sliding past me.

Niall’s P.O.V.

When I got back into Harry’s room, I take out my phone and text Louis. I sent “Come to Harry’s.” As soon as I sent it, he responded with “y”

I didn’t answer back. I go down and sit at the table.

“Would you like some breakfast?” His mum asks me with a kind smile.

I return it. “No thank you.” Harry comes downstairs with his hair in the perfectly messy way he does it. I hear a knock at the door and Harry goes to get it. I stand up and peek behind the small bit of wall to get a glimpse at the door. I saw it was Louis and I walked over.

“Why’s Louis here?” Harry asks me confused.

“And why are you here?” Louis asks me in the same tone.

“I’ll explain in the car.” I tell them both. Harry says bye to his mum and closes the door. We get in Louis’ car and he starts driving towards the school.

“So Louis drives me to school in the morning.” I tell Harry.

“And there are things about me that you don’t know that somehow Harry found out. I might tell you someday; but for now, no. My mum was in that car accident the other day and she died. I have no one to live with, so Harry said I could live with him; so I am. I just have to move out.” I say to Louis. He nods.

“What happened to your arms?” He asked taking a quick glance at my arms.

“One of those things I might tell you eventually.” I simply say. I couldn’t take off the bandages at least until tomorrow and I was not going to do that. So I just wrapped these loosely so that the cuts could breathe.

-

I was in math with Harry.

“Can you come with me to my house after school? I need to start packing.” I whisper to him.

“Sure.” He says smiling.

~o~

I just walked in with Harry and he sat on the couch while I went up to my room. I pulled out the three suitcases I had put away when I first moved here. I unzipped them and started rifling through my drawers and closet and began to fold up my clothes and put them into two suitcases. When that was done, I packed my shoes into the last one. I lugged them downstairs and set them by the door.

“Ugh.” I grunt plopping on the couch. Harry chuckles.

“You want me to call Louis to drive us to my house?” Harry asks.  I nod and he takes out his phone.

Three minutes later; since he lives next door, Louis shows up in front of my soon to be old house with his car. Harry helps me take my bags and put them into the boot of Louis’ car. Lou takes off in the direction of Harry’s house. When he stops, I say “Thanks Lou.” and step out with Harry. We grab my things and go inside.

“Hi boys, dinner is ready.” She says when she sees us.

“Thanks Harry’s mum.” I say thankfully.

“Call me Anne.” She smiles warmly.

I nod and follow him up to his room. We put my stuff down and go to the dining room to have dinner.

-

I had just changed into pajamas and gotten into bed with Harry to go to sleep.

“Niall, can I tell you something?” Harry asks quietly. I nod.

“Well there’s something that has been bugging me for a while. I hope this doesn’t mess things up, but I like you. As more than a friend.” Harry says. I look into his eyes and could see that he was nervous.

“And I really want to kiss you.” He mumbles. I smile and he pushes his lips to mine in the almost complete darkness.


	14. Chapter 14

Niall’s P.O.V.

I went to school in probably the happiest mood I’ve been in since I moved here. We hadn’t talked about what happened last night at all today, but it seemed as if there was this something between us. I woke up to find myself in the same position as last time. I didn’t know I did that when I sleep, but I guess I like human contact or something. But I rode with Louis and Harry chose to walk. I had taken the bandages off, but was wearing a jumper today. Good thing it had just turned winter.

“You know those weird feelings you get about things sometimes?” Louis asks me.

“Yeah?” I answer wondering where he was going with this.

“I feel like today is gonna be a good day. Like yesterday was normal, but today is just gonna be good.” He says letting a crooked smile slip it’s self on his face. I certainly hope so Louis, I certainly hope so.

~o~

If only Louis’ premonition was correct. On my way to one of my classes after lunch, I was physically and verbally bullied. When the guy who really looked faceless to me was done beating me up and calling me names, I crawled up off my feet and walked to the nearest boys bathroom just as the bell rang. I don’t even truly understand why people hate me. I didn’t even care about being late; I was probably gonna end up ditching the other two classes I had. I went inside a tiny stall and sat on the toilet seat after making sure it was clean. I rifled through my backpack looking for the secret razor I kept stashed there.

I feel so pathetic for searching for the feel of the razor against my skin instead of talking to someone. I sighed and watched the blood flow from my wrist as I felt my problems melt away momentarily. I don’t think anyone could understand because I didn’t even fully comprehend why I do this. I started doing this when I was couldn’t take anything else and it’s continued ever since. I felt the familiar adrenaline rush and that tingle of searing pain that I thrived off of. I didn’t have any Band-Aids or bandages; so I used a pathetic excuse of wrapping them in toilet paper. I rolled down the sleeves of my jumper and walked out of the stall.

I hated the sight in the mirror more than usual. He got me a little bad; not as bad as others. I had a cut that looked to be about half an inch long along the underside of my right cheekbone, a sprouting bruise along my jaw, and the back of my head felt like it was throbbing. I gently cleaned up my face with a paper towel wetted with cold water.

When I picked up my stuff, I walked out and walked off the school grounds and wandered wherever my feet would take me. I came across a couple dead ends and would just turn around and go somewhere else. I took a glance at my phone and realized that time had slipped away from me; it was approaching four o’ clock. I noticed I was by a small, nearly abandoned shopping center and I had no clue where it was.

I took my cell phone out of my back pocket and called the person that gave it to me; Louis.

“Hey Lou? I have no clue where I am.” I say embarrassedly.

“What’s around you?” He asks me; I could hear the smile in his voice. I describe the surrounding buildings and scenes around me. He lets out a small “oh.” And says he’ll be here within forty minutes. I sigh. Guess I walked further than I intended. I looked over to the fence that bordered some woods and saw a snarling dog with foam coming from its mouth and glaring in my direction. I made sure I was really far away from it and hoped for Louis to come soon.

~o~

“What happened to your face?” Louis asks me when I thankfully get in the car and he begins to drive away. I pull down the sun visor that had the mirror and took a glance at my reflection. The bruise had turned light purple and the cut was red and swollen. My left side hurt from where I was kicked a little; but thankfully my head stopped aching.

“I was beat up.” I tell him.

“Are you okay?” He asks worriedly.

“Nothing I can’t take care of. I’ve been through this before.” I answer.

“Is that what you were you doing over here? You were ditching.” Louis says in a statement; knowing the answer.

“Yeah, I was walking wherever my feet took me.” I shrug as if it was no big deal.

~o~

Louis dropped me off at Harry’s/my house and pulled away with a wave. As soon as I got through the door, Anne is scolding me. She already treats me as if I were her son even though I’ve known her for not that long.

“Why are you so late without a call explaining why? And what happened to your face? You know me and Harry were worried. He got home by three thirty.” She rushes out.

“I’m fine Anne. Just a little scraped up.” I tell her.

“Are you hungry? I just put dinner away.” She says. I shake my head.

“I’m fine thanks. I’ll go upstairs.” I tell her mustering a smile and climbing the steps to I guess our room.

As soon as I enter, Harry jumps off his bed and throws me into a hug. The pain in my right wrist and left side hurt like hell from the pressure.

“Fuck, Harry.” I wince. He pulls away with a look of sorrow and concern on his face.

“Sorry, what happened?” He asks me. I shrug.

“Nothing much.” “Niall.” He says as if he was about to continue; but I don’t bother.

“Leave it Harry.” I tell him firmly. He frowns but listens. “I’ll be back.” I tell him, going to the bathroom.

Harry’s P.O.V.

When Niall left, I waited five minutes before going to the bathroom listening to make sure he wasn’t using it. When I opened the door, I saw him rinsing his wrist off under the cool water of the faucet. I could see red, swollen lines along it under the clear liquid. I close the door and his head snaps up.

“Why? Tell me why you continue to do this.” I insist, hurt.

“Can’t we leave it alone? Not tonight.” He says looking tired, but not sleepy tired. Just tired of everything and turns off the running water.

“No we cannot fucking leave it alone. I want an answer.” I say the second part more softly instead of demanding/angry like the first sentence. I grab his wrist in my hand and gingerly turn it around to inspect it.

He wrenches  his wrist from my grip lightly.

“You don’t understand and you can’t. It gives me a feeling of… I don’t know; satisfaction whenever I’m sad, angry, upset, or any other unpleasant feeling. It’s addicting like a drug and I turn to it when I deem it necessary.” He tells me honestly. I look up and he looks a little disappointed; possibly in himself.

“But it’s not a drug.” I say a little confused.

“You really don’t get it which is a good thing; but it’s something that I can’t describe. I try; fucking hard sometimes, but it’s something that just seems to not stop.” He says sadly.

We leave the bathroom and walk back to our room. We lie on the bed next to each other and I pull him into my arms as if he was a teddy bear; in some ways he was.

“I’m sorry. But for me, please stop harming yourself.” I plead. I didn’t even notice my eyes welling up with tears until Niall looked up and said “Don’t cry Harry.”

“It’s just I’m concerned about you.” I tell him. He smiles and quickly pecks my lips.

“I’m sorry. I’m trying; but I can’t promise you anything 100%.” He says with a small smile.

“I’ll take what you can give me. Just know I’m here to talk to. Please remember that.” I whisper. He nods and we quickly get out of our clothes and get as close as humanely possible since he does it while he sleeps. “Goodnight Harry.” Niall mumbles into the side/back of my neck.

“Goodnight Niall.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 more left! I'm tired of this story to be honest.

Niall’s P.O.V.

It’s been two weeks and now I’ve successfully moved out and the house I used to live in in for sale. Living with Anne and Harry is just the same. Right now I’m on my way to school via usual ride.

“So tell me what’s up with you and Harry?” Louis smirks.

“Nothing really.” And that was the truth. Other than the occasional kiss, nothing really happens between us.

“Come on mate. There’s got to be something with you two.”

“Louis. Nothing is going on between us. We sometimes kiss and that’s it. Nothing else happens.” I say actually a little disappointed.

“He hasn’t asked you to be his boyfriend yet? You two seem like you have chemistry or something.” Louis says confused. 

“Nope.” I simply stated. I actually am waiting for Harry to take some sort of action.

“Well let’s move on to a different topic.” Louis says brightly smiling. I swear that smile almost never left his face.

“Okay. Do you have your eye on anyone?” I ask him with the same smile on my face.

“Weeeeelllllll, I like this girl.” Louis informs me.

“Ooh, what’s her name?” I ask him genuinely interested.

“Eleanor.” He has a goofy smile on his face and I can tell that he really likes her.

“Aw, Louis likes a girl. Louis likes a girl.” I say in a sing song tone. He rolls his eyes at me and hits me on the arm playfully.

“Sod off.” He says. But there’s a fond smile on his face to let me know that he’s mostly kidding. 

~o~

I was walking home; Harry and I went separately and I passed by the field where football is played. I guess practice was over because there was nothing being done. One of the nearest players saw me and started walking over. I didn’t have a good feeling about it so I started walking away faster, but he jogged over to me.

“Is the little faggot going home to paint his nails and bake cakes?” He taunted. I had no clue how he knew I was gay. Only Louis and Harry knew and I know neither of them would tell.

I don’t respond to his taunt.

“You’re not gonna answer me fag?”

“You don’t deserve an answer.” I bravely say.

That was a bad choice on my part though; I should have cowered. He punched me in the jaw. I brought my hand up to the area and he threw another punch in my stomach. I topple over in pain and he kicks me in the balls. I fall to the ground and reflexively pull my knees close. He proceeds to kick me in the stomach, legs, and face some more before he’s finally done. He leaves without another word. I don’t understand why no one came to stop him. 

I spit out a mouthful of blood and lie there for a couple minutes before I slowly pull myself up. Good thing I didn’t eat today or else I’m pretty sure I would have puked. I hobble the rest of the way home and carefully open the front door. I could see Harry, Anne, and someone else sitting on the couch. When they heard the door open, they all looked up. 

“Niall! What happened to you?” Anne exclaims cautiously moving my face around to examine it.

“I fell.” I lie.

“It doesn’t look like it since you look like you ran into a pole.” She says with a small smile. I shrug.

“Let’s get you cleaned up and then you can meet Gemma.” She leads me to the kitchen.

I have no clue what my face looks like at the moment; though I’m sure it doesn’t look good. She lightly wipes my face off with a dishrag wetted with cold water. Then she puts some alcohol on the cuts which made me flinch from the pain. Lastly, she put an ice pack on my eye and said for me to hold it there. 

She leads me to the living room and I lightly limp behind her. “This is my daughter Gemma. She’s visiting for a couple days from university.” Anne introduces.

“Hi.” I say quietly.

She smiles warmly. “Hi. You must be Niall.”

“Yeah.” I smile back. 

~o~ 

“Niall, what happened to you? I know you didn’t fall.” Harry says when we go up to our room.

“I was beat up again.” I tell him, taking off my clothes to get in my pajamas.

“Do you feel alright? You’re all bruised up.” He says concerned.

I look in the mirror and see blossoming bruises along my stomach, I have a developing black eye, some cuts along my face and a split lip, and my balls still hurt a little. I didn’t look as skinny as I used to; I eat at least once a day and don’t usually throw it up. But I still have to skip something completely. I can’t go more than a week without the empty feeling in my stomach.

“For the most part I’m good. Sore, but good.” I say.

I pull on my shirt and pants and get into the bed with him. Harry wraps his arms around my body and nuzzles his face into my neck.

“I’m sorry.” Harry says.

“It’s no biggie.” I tell him. I can’t help but think “Is he stringing me along?”


	16. Chapter 16

Niall’s P.O.V.

Gemma left two weeks ago. Today I woke up in a really horrible mood. I wore a jumper and wore the hood up on my way to school. Louis tried getting some conversation out of me, but I just ignored him or mumbled short one word answers. He understood I was not in the mood, so he just drove in silence. I really wish I didn’t make the promise of stopping cutting to Harry. I had to do something to relieve the need; so I scratched the skin on my left forearm raw. I didn’t want to draw blood though; so I didn’t do much. I still felt the need to keep my promise. I’m slowly putting on weight and it absolutely disgusts me. I still haven’t completely dropped my former behaviors though. What Harry doesn’t understand is the fact that it’s not so easy just stopping completely. It’s an addiction and something I have to do.

The teacher told us our grades today in math and I have an 80% in here. I definitely couldn’t do that on my own.

“Thanks for tutoring me.” I quietly tell Harry. I found out from him that he has a 95.

“Not a problem. It’s not even that bad.” He smiles.

~/~

Because of my mood, I didn’t bother eating breakfast of lunch. Throughout the entire lunch period, Harry gave me a scolding disappointed look. I just rolled my eyes and ignored it. Now we were up in his room after eating dinner and watching a movie. It had just finished and we were lying side by side. He turned over to face me and moved in. I stop him and firmly say “No Harry.” He moves back with confusion on his face and sits up. I mimic him into the same position.

“Why?” He asks me.

“Because that’s all you do. You just kiss me sometimes and that’s it. While I like it; I can’t help but think you’re just like stringing me along. I don’t just want the occasional kiss between us.” I confess.

He has a look of something I can’t figure out on his face.

“I’m sorry. It’s just I’ve never um, been with a guy I guess. I would have a little crush on someone every now and then; but it was just that; a little crush. I’ve never developed real feelings. But I’m pretty sure I have those for you and I just don’t really know how to go about them.” He says a little embarrassed.

“It’s alright Harry. I just had to let you know. Don’t be embarrassed.” I whisper. He puts on a small smile.

“Okay. But I really am sorry for making you feel like that. But it’s not like that at all.”

“It’s fine Harry.” I tell him with reassurance.

“If it’s alright then, how about that kiss?” He asks cheekily.

I laugh but pull him towards me to make our lips meet.


	17. Chapter 17

Niall’s P.O.V.

So Harry was awkward this morning. It was a week after I had that mini talk with him. And Louis was being awkward around me too. I being socially challenged myself noticed easily. Whenever Louis and I talked, we avoided anything related to Harry which was odd. Those two were remarkably close.

“Alright, what’s up with you?” I asked him when we were in gym; the second to last class of the day.

He gave me a goofy grin and said “Nothing.” In that voice something uses when something is going on or they are guilty of something.

I skeptically looked at him but chose not to press on the subject.

~o~

All through English, I wondered what was going on and why it involved Harry and or Louis. It wasn’t like we told each other every thing; but most things were told between the group. I walked home like usual and ate dinner like usual. I’m getting better at that; eating and keeping it down I mean. I was in bed; having finished watching yet another movie with Harry.

“So Niall,” Harry said instantly having my attention.

“You know how I feel about you and I’m not sure of a great way to do this, but will you be my boyfriend?” Harry asked with a small smile. If I was drinking water; I’m sure I would have choked on it. I was shocked and somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I wasn’t. So this was why Harry was being weird this morning and Louis being weirder than usual; Harry probably told him.

“Uh, uh sure Harry.” I stammer.

He brightly smiles and pulls me in for a tight hug.

“I’m so glad you said yes! I mean I’ve never done this with a guy before; so having a boyfriendis new territory and all.” Harry mumbles into my neck. Even though he had a good four inches on me; he did that action a lot.

“I wouldn’t have said no.” I warmly smile to him when he pulls away.

He returns it and moves close so that our mouths were centimeters apart.

“Do you mind, _boyfriend_?” Harry asks, the word rolling so easily off his tongue. For once, there wasn’t a smirk or smile on his face; he actually looked kinda shy about the situation. It was my turn to smirk and be the cheeky one in this relationship.

“Not at all.” I respond closing the distance between us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that’s it guys! The end of closing the distance. I know these 2 chapters were short; but I felt like it had to end there. So I have other stories if you want to read and comment on those. It would mean a lot, thanks!


End file.
